Changes are supposed to be made internally in order to see them reflected in our lives. That is why it is so important to work on our mindset and emotions in order to move forward. We are constantly fighting a battle with our ego trying to forgive what others do to us that we forget we also need to forgive ourselves. It’s like they say you can’t love others unless you love yourself first; the same analogy could be drawn when it comes to Forgiveness. I was reading an article from tiny buddha called You Need to Forgive Yourself, where it says that we are not responsible for things other people have done, and sometimes we overlook that; we do know by theory it’s not our fault, but we don’t stop to really look inside of us and realize that maybe we are holding ourselves accountable for what happened. An example of that, it could be when we get hurt by someone and we get mad at ourselves from allowing that to happen to us. We start looking at possible ways where we could have been able to prevent it. And in reality, it is too late to start looking at that and we should not blame ourselves at all. On the other hand, if you are responsible for something that happened, you still have to forgive yourself and try to move forward; yes, you definitely need to recognize your mistakes but that does not mean you need to punish yourself. You might not be able to change the past, but you can certainly make improvements to your present and take action from now on, knowing that the reason we came to this life was to better and perfect ourselves, and that is only possible to achieve by practicing and making mistakes, because if we didn’t have anything new to learn, trust me, we wouldn’t be here. I extracted the following Self-Forgiveness Exercise from Forgiving Oneself – The Power of Forgiveness; follow this exercise step by step as many times as necessary. You will know when you have forgiven yourself when you don’t feel pain anymore:
1. Write down an event for which you wish to seek forgiveness from yourself. Recall areas in your life where bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness reside. Write with as much detail and clarity as you can recall.
a. Recognize the hurt.
b. Realize what hurt you feel and that you can move past the hurt when you are ready to choose to forgive.
2. Read over the event you have written. Have you held onto these feelings a long time? Does this area affect the way you live your life and interact with others?
a. You may want to tell your story to a trusted friend, family member or counselor.
3. Grieve the hurt / damage done and work through any anger. It is very natural to be angry at oneself for not being perfect, but no one is perfect.
a. Realize you are not perfect; forgive yourself for what you did wrong.
b. Choose to release the negative emotions associated with the incident.
c. Realize that we all make mistakes and we are in need of forgiveness. Forgive yourself for any wrongs you have done.
d. Realize that you are a good person and not deserving of being punished or hurt. Let go of pain. If you still hold onto pain and resentment, it will be harder to give and receive forgiveness.
4. Shred or burn the list as a visual symbol of letting go.
5. Repeat the exercise for other areas of unforgiveness.
6. Move forward in your life without the burden of unforgiveness.
a. Give yourself permission to shed the hurt, pain, anger and to begin to heal by living in peace.
b. When the event resurface, remind yourself that you have forgiven yourself and that you chose to move on with your life without the pain.
In conclusion, remember that if you are blaming yourself for what someone else did to you or whoever, you don’t have any amount of power over other people’s actions. And if you are blaming yourself for your own actions, you need to accept your responsibility and move on. It’s okay to make mistakes, the key is to learn how not to make the same mistake twice and learn from it. It means understanding that if you knew better at the time, you would have done things differently, and since you can not change the past, you will learn from your experience to control your actions in your present.
