Compete with yourself instead of competing with others. When you compete with yourself you spend your energy on self improving, progress and success instead of developing negatives feelings and thoughts of envy, jealousy and anger toward someone else.
The other day I was reevaluating myself and I realized I have been undermining my effort and my work, just because everything I do does not seem to be good enough in comparison to other people’s work and success. I caught myself measuring everything I am doing based on what other people are doing as well; therefore I was experimenting feelings of disappointment, anxiety and frustration. I knew that if I didn’t make an immediate change, all of this could have resulted in developing negative feelings of envy, jealousy and selfishness.
Competing with others limits you because it is based on external circumstances and other people. When you compete with yourself you are able to take control of the situation, because you are working with your internal resources. Remember that you could never have absolute control of your surroundings, but you can definitely control what is going on inside of you. Everything is controlled inside out.
You then will develop total control of your life by not wasting energy and time focusing on what other people are doing. Instead, you will concentrate on how to beat yourself every day, trying to be better than what you were yesterday by reinventing your path every sunrise, even by taking small steps.
How to Compete with Yourself
According to Sonya Derian in her article Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: An Alternative to Competing with People, you should be asking yourself questions like “What new decisions have you made or what new actions have you taken that have resulted in you moving in a new direction in your life?”. If you have not yet asked yourself these questions, maybe it is time you start doing so.
Whatever might be that you are trying to achieve, you need a plan; you need to set the goal and then work on it. If you need help on how to do to this, please refer to my articles Pursuing your Dreams and The Perfect Formula to Achieving your Goals.
After that, you would need to do the following:
1. Set deadlines. Nothing can get achieved without a deadline.
2. ‘Picture’ someone else working on the same problem. Don’t let them win. Don’t give them a face or an identity, just picture someone unknown, this way, you will not be driving your attention to someone in specific.
3. Reward yourself if you get to achieve your goal within the prescribed deadline. Buy yourself a treat, eat something you like or go somewhere special, for example.
4. Remember to be kind to yourself. Do not punish yourself; be patient and learn how to forgive yourself when you don’t meet your own expectations.
5. Do not measure your work and achievements against other people’s. Avoid comparison with others. Instead, always go back to the “old” you to see how the “new” you is doing.
I am putting this into practice myself! Would you?
Disapproval could be a huge fear that many people constantly have to battle with, making them lose their individuality and essence. It is a setback to the evolution and self growth of every person. No one should hold back being afraid to express themselves.
I personally do not trust people who fear disapproval. They are in a state of ambivalence that makes them seek for others approval in order to feel worthy. Therefore they are not capable of emitting their own opinion or making their own decisions, and sometimes they even agree with others just to avoid confrontation.
So how can you trust someone that is afraid to emit their own judgment or point of view? I understand that most of these people had a rough childhood where probably they were not allowed to speak their minds, but they need to analyze themselves and realize that what they are doing is wrong and there is always time and room for improvement.
But How Can You Get Rid of that Fear of Disapproval?
I have 5 great tips to overcome your fear to disapproval and you can start implementing them right now! They are:
1. Understand and accept your individuality. Look at yourself in the mirror and realize that there is not one other person in the whole entire Universe just like you. You were born as an individual therefore you have your own body, your own mind and your own heart, so you are allowed to think, feel and act differently from anyone else. And if other people are entitled to express themselves, why can’t you? Embrace your uniqueness by loving every piece of yourself!
2. Start from the bottom. You are not going to start expressing yourself to the fullest overnight. Changes take time and you have to start gradually. So next time someone starts making decisions for you without even asking you, just say no… if your friend is gossiping about someone else and you feel is unfair, don’t stay shut, neither contribute to it; just say you don’t agree and that is it! Because if you stay shut or agree with what it has been said, you are as guilty as the person who originally started it, and karma will come back to bite you.
3. Do things by yourself. Stop depending on others to do things. Put time aside for you alone. Go to the mall, watch a movie, order your favorite food, buy something you like, wear something you bought, ALL BY YOURSELF. Codependency is not good. Detach from family and friends. This doesn’t mean all the time, because we all need people around us; but every here and then spend time with yourself so you could get to know your likes, your thinking, your essence…
4. Avoid negative and controlling people. Stay away from people who only want things their way. Extremes are bad. It is not good to be a people pleaser, but not a controlling freak either. I recommend you stay away from these kind of people until you are strong enough to put them in their place and set boundaries.
5. Enjoy the full control of your life. Nothing more gratifying than living your life how you want to. Thinking and acting like an individual is priceless. Once you get to experience what it is like to be free, you will never allow anyone else to dictate your life ever again.
Dealing with Stress
Ever since I took over this new position at work I honestly have been exhausted almost every day of the week. By Thursday I am literally half asleep dragging myself to work in the morning feeling extremely tired. I know I have a lot on my plate, because I have a very demanding fulltime job and a part time, which is my Blog, and I am required to give them both all my attention and quality time.
So I found myself feeling a little anxious and nervous and I realized I am dealing with stress because of my fulltime job. I even dream about spreadsheets and UPC codes constantly! This is definitely affecting my harmony and peace, and something needs to be done to put everything back in order.
I decided to do my usual research to find simple but effective ways for dealing with stress at work. So I figure why no share it with all of you, since I am pretty sure we all have to deal with it at some point in our work life.
Here there are 5 great Tips for Dealing with Stress at Work:
1. Your ‘perfect’ is not universal. Your way of doing things ‘the right way’ doesn’t always look right to others; so stop beating yourself up because you didn’t get to do things your way. And if you make mistakes, just embrace them and stop putting pressure on yourself. All you need to do it is make sure everything you do it is good enough not perfect!
2. Stop Multitasking. Focus on one thing at a time by creating a To Do List. This will reduce the risk of forgetting something and will also help you focus on one task at a time.
3. Stop Procrastinating things you don’t like to do. Unfortunately there are unavoidable situations that we all have to go through. Give them priority and go through them as soon as you can; the sooner the better to avoid feeling anxious and nervous.
4. Find your Passion. Find something meaningful and fulfilling that could take away all of those worries once you leave work. Engage in activities you truly enjoy and bring peace and happiness to your heart.
5. Stop trying to control everything and everyone. Are you a control freak? Then stop right now! People who like to control everything suffer more than others, because things will not always come out their way, or people will not always do as they say. Keep in mind that you are not always right, and if you are, your way is not the only way. Let things follow their course and let people express their individuality.
So follow these 5 tips for dealing with stress and become Stress Free. You can also refer to my previous article 20 Tips to Help you Fight Stress and Anxiety to learn how to handle stress outside work. Remember that at the end of your days, all that work will stay behind, and neither the money nor the title will come with you…just saying…
How to Stop Victim Mentality
Do you like people feeling sorry for you? Are you the type of person who likes to get people’s attention by acting like the victim? If you are not this type of person you most likely know someone who acts like a victim. Regardless of you being right or not in a specific situation, there is no need to act like a victim. Self pity could be destructive and also addictive. There is sort of a pleasure people get by feeling hurt and getting others attention.
According to Osiris Montenegro in The victim mentality, “a victim is someone who feels powerless, and is therefore unable to take appropriate action to resolve situations adversely affecting their well-being.” But most people who act like victims do have what it takes to take action and solve their problems, it’s just that they choose not to… And why is this?
One of the main reasons why people act like victims is low self esteem, and with that comes negative thinking and fear. They never take responsibility for their actions and they think the world is against them and that God is always punishing them, when we all know God is not a punisher.
It is time to switch it around and stop that victim mentality now! There is no need to feel self pity or crave attention by acting like a victim. If something bad happened to you, you are not the only one… welcome to the club! Stop telling people about it! You might get people’s attention in the beginning, but they will eventually get tired and will walk away from you.
But how do you get rid of this victim mentality?
5 Tips to Break Out a Victim Mentality
1. Work on your self esteem. Love yourself and take control of your life. You are responsible for everything that happens to you. Do not allow others to dictate your life. For tips on how to work on your self esteem, please refer to How to Raise your Self Esteem, The Importance of Nurturing your Self Esteem and How to Love Yourself: 5 Magical Ways.
2. Change your mindset. Stop believing that you are the only one who bad things happen to. We all go through rough times, and trust me, somewhere someone else is going through a worse situation than yours. Also, stop thinking that you are being punished by God; everything that happens to you is either a result of your negative thinking or your previous actions. To learn the new way to pray, refer to How to ask God for Something: The New Way to Pray.
3. Be positive. Be aware of what you say and what you think. Try to stop your mind from thinking negative. Avoid negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. Write down and pronounce positive affirmations everyday. It could be something like “I am confident and love myself” or “Something good an magnificent will happen today”. Read my previous articles “Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life” -Proverbs 4:23 and Overpower your Negative Thoughts: 4 Easy Ways.
4. Forgive. If someone hurt you in the past, just let go. You must forgive yourself and others in order to move forward. Refer to my previous articles Forgiving Yourself and “An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind.” -Mahatma Gandhi.
5. Gratitude. Show and express appreciation to God and/or the Universe for everything that you have at this very moment. Focus in your present, on what you have, on the people that are still with you. Don’t focus on your lacks or on what you don’t have anymore. Why keep dwelling in the past? There is always a reason why things are the way they are. To learn how to practice gratitude read 5 Ways to show Gratitude as part of the Law of Attraction and “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more”.
Do you act like a victim or know someone who does? Put into practice these effective tips and break free from a destructive and addictive victim mentality.
How to Find your Passion
Finding your passion is sometimes not that easy. We often see and hear people talk all excited about how they found their passion and how much this has changed their lives. But for some people is a little more complicated to find out what is it they would love to do for their rest of their lives. Living in a world where most of us need to put in a lot of hours a day working in order to survive, it could be a challenge to not only pursue our dreams, but also even try to figure out what our dreams are. And if we know what those dreams are, sometimes we can procrastinate making ourselves believe we will someday start working on them, and by the time we start thinking about them again, we then will use the excuse that it is too late… and game over.
I have learnt that this Life is a chance to better ourselves and acquire all the experience we can while we’re here, so we must take advantage of every single second of it and do everything possible to live to fullest doing what we love to do and enjoying our loved ones, because our joy and learning experience are the only things we will be taking with us at the time of our final departure.
How to find your Passion? Today I bring you 5 effective ways to help you find your passion.
1. Find inspiration. Identify your role models by writing down a list of 3 to 5 successful people who you admire and would like to be like. Also create an “Inspirational Board” with pictures of how you see yourself in the future. You can add things you would love to have like awards, fame, title, your dream house, car, etc.
2. Ask your friends and family. Ask the people around you what do they think you are good at. Personally I found out what my passion was through one of my best friends who always told me I was good at advising people what to wear, and she was also the one who got me into blogging.
3. Reminisce your early years. Try to think what used to make you feel happy as a child; what activities used to give you joy and happiness. Maybe it was painting, writing, singing or just pretending to be a cop or a model.
4. Observe what your interests are. What do you love to talk about, read, watch, learn or maybe advise others. There is always something we pay our attention the most.
5. Do not focus on money. A lot of people tend to go for what they think is going to make them money without even liking what they will be doing; this is why you see them quitting afterwards, because there was a lack of passion in the whole process. I read somewhere that passion is not in your mind but in your heart. So follow your heart instead. According to Lisa Girard on Five Creativity Exercises to Find Your Passion, take a break from business thinking and then once you have figured out what your passion is, then you can start writing down any business ideas that come to mind.
Make sure to follow these 5 infallible ways and learn how to find your passion. Stop procrastinating and start acting now!
For more information on how to find your passion, refer to my article Following your Passion and Enjoying the Process.